Illustration for article titled I Could Take This Boxing Kangaroo In A Fightem/em

I came across this video in my Facebook feed. It’s a man and a kangaroo in a kickboxing match, a pretty lopsided one at that.

This grainy footage got me thinking, would I fair better than this brave yet clearly overwhelmed man. In short, Yeah, I think I could. This is not say that it would be easy, I know as soon as this post goes up the Kangaroo fighting community is gonna be all up in my DM’s, but I believe in myself and my will to win.


Why even fight a Kangaroo, you ask? To represent and revenge mankind of course.

I don’t think there has ever been an animal more ready to scrap than a Kangaroo. If a Kangaroo dissed you in the streets, you would never have to tell it to square up because, it’s always squared up. Arms up, always ready to throw hands. The Kangaroos’ fighting prowess is so well known that a Kangaroo character named Roger was added to the Tekken fighting games series.

So, just like Rocky when we went up against Captain Ivan Drago, to get revenge and prove America’s dominance over Russia. I will beat this cocky Kangaroo and prove that man is truly the Apex predator of throwing hands.


Tale Of The Tape

Kangaroo Estimated Height (6.3 FT)
My Height (6.0 FT)

Kangaroo Estimated Weight (180 LB)
My Weight (170 LB)

My Advantageous

  • Will To Win (Me)
  • Intelligence (Me Barely)
  • Reach (Science Look It Up)
  • Walkout Music (Tupac’s Hail Mary)

Roo’s Advantageous

  • Leg Strength (Clearly)
  • Experience (I Have Zero Pro Fights)
  • Head Size (Small Strike Zone)
  • Intimidation (He Even Intimidates The Ref)

Fight Night

Going into this fight, my goal is to keep the Kangaroo off balance by using my jab. Circling him, and not staying in front of him like the man in this video. I’d fight defensively like Floyd Mayweather, picking my spots and waiting to land a heavy counter on the Kangaroo’s small head.


The hardest part of the fight would definitely be avoiding that double leg kick maneuver. The Kangaroo sets it up with a Thai clinch, then leans with full force into the abdomen.

Lateral movement is key in this fight, sticking and moving like a young Muhammad Ali. Not giving the Kangaroo a chance to kick my stomach out of my body. He scores most of his knockdown with this move so, avoiding this maneuver should keep me up on the scorecards.


I have no idea about the conditioning of this Kangaroo but, let see him after a few rounds of my body work. You can see him stop many time in this fight trying to catch his breath and I can see him fading as I take him in to the championship rounds.

By no means am saying I could beat this kangaroo in a fight to the death but, in a clearly sanctioned fight environment, I am confident I could eek out a decision.

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